Reid Harris Cooper (lordrexfear) wrote,
Reid Harris Cooper

Loneliness is Tasty

I've struggled with weight essentially my entire life. I like food. I like food even more when life is kicking my ass. When nothing is going right I tend to gobble chocolate. When it's cold outside and I'm unmotivated to do anything I make it even worse by choosing to eat comfort food. Fried chicken, ribs, you name it and I'm eating it.

The scale lies though. This I can tell you. I can't use a scale to tell me if I'm fat. I can weight 245 and be fat or thin because of my muscle mass. That's besides the point though. I eat, I eat too much and when I try to go healthy it only seems to last for as long as I see results. Those results don't last. I'm not looking for results in such as actually being thinner or healthier. I'm hoping by being healthier and leaner it'll lead to the things the world says those things achieve. Finding money, love, happiness. Thin or fat it doesn't seem to make a difference in my experience though. Although it stands to reason that when I am getting things like money or love I tend to eat healthier because I don't have the time or inclination to find that stuff in brownies, truffles, cheese, more cheese and also cheese. By the way, did I mention cheese?

During the winter it gets even harder. I suffer seasonal depression. I want to move around but if I'm out of work, single, or whatever I don't get that get up and go attitude. Then I want something super tasty because it'll maybe make me happy for a second. Then I'm not happy so I want something else and before you know it I've eaten a box a truffles.

I've tried to mentally break myself of these habits, but they're just harder and harder or easier and easier. Take your pick, no matter the choice, you're getting me. Which is all I really want, for some to choose me.

written for the therealljidol Season 10-Break Week Topic: Kummerspeck
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