|Thursday, November 26th, 2015|
12:01 pm - The Academy Award Speech that May Never Happen
It all started when I was three years old. I wanted to be a puppet, but now I stand here before you the winner of best actor in a film. It took many years of fighting, murder, drug escapades, more murder, more fighting and a little bit of acting talent to get here. Along the way there were some people who actually had a real hand in my development. First off my parents, Richard and Karen Cooper, who stood by me and supported everything along the way. Without them I'd be no one one. Angela Lansbury who when I was a baby said I'd be here one day. Danny Devito & Rhea Perlman, admirable talents who were just around in my life when I was a child and made me want to do this and realize ANYONE could. Peter Sklar, my first acting and singing teacher. Two camps, lots of classes, workshops, ridicule, pain, all worth it. Gloria Gifford, my second acting teacher who gave me improv, cold reading, and was like a second mom. Karen Anthony, my third teacher who just helped push the lessons and also got me a date with Danielle Harris when I was still a pre-teen. The Weist-Barron school for some extra lessons. My closest friend from movie sets growing Mario Bosco. The life lessons given to me by the likes of Danny Aiello, Paul Mazursky, Fyvush Finkel, Samuel L. Jackson, Jerry Stiller, Chaz Palmentierri, Joe Pesci, Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, Roseanna Arquette, Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman and so many more. |
Is that the music? You turn that off because you try to play me off and I will make this the most exciting Academy Awards speech ever by forcing you off the air cause "Technical difficulties" as I fight off security.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah, let me thank some really important people. Daring and intelligent professors and mentors like Dare Clubb, Peter Wallace, Sekou Sunidata, Leslie Lee, and Steve Cannon. Cecelia Rubino, the one person to not believe in me. Joe Corcoran and Darren Sussman, founders of Theatermania, which I was proud to help create. My best friends in life and by extension my family through various formats and still the people I turn to and help work for and with like my doctors Nicholas Vincent Isabella the III and Terri Ma, my legal and accounting consultants David Shifren and Michael Langan the II, the entire Rath family Colin, Pamela Harvey, Breana, Nerina and Meriel, the people I love talking to about whatever... so many to mention!
Is that the music again? Are you kidding me? I haven't even thanked the director or the producer or my co-stars. Not that I remember what movie I won this award for. I'm really stoned. I also did 4 tabs of LSD. You all look like giraffes right now. Well, not all, some of of you are penguins. Well, cept Brad Pitt... you look like a hippopotamus sir. The Oscar looks like a dildo. No wait, a hotdog, no... no... it's an Emmy Award. OH WOW! I won an Emmy award? I was only on that damn TMZ show. Um... thanks TMZ cameraman?
If I hear that music one more time I am going to shove that thing up your.... wait... we're off the air? Good. This Awards Show sucks. Now to do what I really planned.
Neil Patrick Harris, Miley Cyrus and the North Philadelphia Tabernacle Choir with Camren Bicondova and Maddie Ziegler performing Band on The Run Everybody!
written for therealljidol "Friends & Rivals Mini-Season". Topic .5 "The Giving of Thanks"
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|Monday, November 23rd, 2015|
7:59 pm - Experiences in Light & Murder
My weekend got crazy enough just in time for a Livejournal return. I kid you not.|
Basically at the last minute on Friday, my good good friend David lets me know he has a spare ticket to an party warehouse event and he wants to treat me. He could choose anyone but he chose me. After some sudden drama on his end in which I may've not ended up joining him I made my way over to his place in Manhattan. After a lot of testing and trying I put on a Rainbow onesie, David throws on a jester outfit and we wait for Collyn who shows up in a sexy bra and a cool shawl. We head out to the street to meet a couple more people before heading down to Brooklyn. David and I get a lot of looks and appreciative comments on our outfits as we make our way. We meet up with Liza, Logan and Eric, three excellent people who would be part of the entire evenings team and jump down into the subway our bodies, minds and souls ready to rock the night and day away.
Which is indeed what happened. Lots of crazy costumes, lots of cool talking, tons of dancing, body painting, things and stuff. People kissed, nude bodies, all that jazz. I didn't even get back to David's still around 6:30 AM. Then no sleep proceeded to happen as talking progressed and more people came back over and all that jazz.
Eventually Dave and I got some food, again his treat, and he wanted me to try out a place I noticed that confused me called LA MAISON DU CROQUE MONSIEUR, mainly cause I couldn't believe there was a restaurant dedicated Ham & Cheese sandwiches. I ended up trying the MR EDUARDO which is Bresaola, Bechamel, Smoked Mozzarella & True Oil. It was good and hit the spot along with some ice coffee. Especially as by then it was now 12 PM and I had not slept since 10 AM the day before.
I then made my way through NYC Weekend subway craziness to a 2 PM matinee of SHEAR MADNESS. My mother was going to go with her boyfriend, but as of know he is still at the hospital waiting to see what comes next, so I went with her. It's a really funny show, the improv is awesome and it's something I'd actually want to go to again... be it in NYC or in Boston or whatever.
By the time I got home and had some take out dinner it was 8:00 PM in which I then promptly crashed... only to wake up again to see some of SNL, then crash again... then eventually wake up and somehow kill a Sunday till SURVIVOR SERIES was on.
And now I await the penultimate episode of Gravity Falls and watching RAW on commercial breaks and then maybe probably the Eddie Murphy Mark Twain Award thing on PBS.
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|Friday, November 20th, 2015|
4:31 pm - Continued return to LJ?
Simon Rex/Dirt Nasty and Mickey Avalon back together for MARRIED TO THE GAME. A completely Free (just give an email address) new EP full of new funny hiphop kick ass beat inspired comedy.
A very cool Print by comics Jon Adams of a Mandala featuring Breakfast Cereal Mascots. Buy me one for my birthday... Please and thank you.
Grey's Anatomy and How To Get Away With Murder are off the air till February 2016. There's no new episode of Girl Meets World tonight. I'm still feeling a bit under the weather.
Al's (my mom's boyfriend) surgery went well. He's not out of the woods as they say and will need rehab, but he's doing well.
Seeing SHEAR MADNESS tomorrow because of this. I'm sure my mom would rather go with Al, but tis what it is.
Being sick has made me not functional to do things like my work (creative and non-creative)... not that I've been called to do the creative, but not being able to concentrate has sucked. I'm shocked I had brain power to write that intro topic piece for the therealljidol.
One More Link for fun:
Have you checked out the latest Amazon Pilot Season? Some really cool cartoons. It's a shame they can't all just be green lit.
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|Thursday, November 19th, 2015|
10:10 pm - I return to the LJ?
'Tis the season I get that nose full of mucus and being dizzy and wanting to fall asleep.
I've seen a bunch of films lately. I'm not allowed to say why or how. I haven't left my house to do so though and I didn't download them or do anything to see them illegally but most if not all aren't out on DVD yet (so you figure it out). Here's some movie reviews though (I stole some of this from Facebook):
OUR BRAND IS CRISIS: A great political dramedy. While it used another country as a the backdrop, it was just a great reflection on the insanity of political campaigns and strategists. Sandra Bullock was great here, as was Zoe Kazan. Really impressed by Joaquim de Almeida though. I'd be curious to see the 2005 documentary the film is based on. Especially cause I totally saw James Carville in Billy Bob Thorton's portrayal.
TRAINWRECK: I avoided this for a long time, for a strange resistance to Amy Schumer.. but I really liked it. It took me awhile because I felt the early stuff was really hard to get through with such an unlikeable group of characters, but I stuck with it and it was a cute little romantic comedy. I think if anyone but Judd Apatow had been at the helm it'd been a failure, but because of him everything totally worked I feel. Bill Hader was great though too.
GRANDMA: A simple story that is also a wonderful character study. It's a script from Writer/Director Paul Weitz that Lilly Tomlin really got to be strong in. Being the tale of an aned lesbian helping his grandaughter get a pricey abortion might not be for everyone, but it's a really strong little film.
THE END OF THE TOUR: playwright Donald Margulies has written very few screenplays so him tackling such an intense and hevay book as Lipsky's transcript memoir of his road trip with David Foster Wallace always felt like it had to be genius to get to end product. Jason Segel's performance of Wallace carries the film, while Eisenberg is a perfect straight man. While the film in the long run is a truly simple story of a writer and a writer on a road trip learning about each other, it has this underlining worldliness.
INFINITELY POLAR BEAR: Another true story, the details of this are so fascinating. That the writer/director is the eldest daughter in the film is just amazing. The great great grandaughter of the Forbes, whose father is bi-polar and had to raise her and her sister when her mom became the first ever black account executive at a major banking company ever. Mark Ruffallo's performance here is amazing as is both girls... the eldest daughter proving to have some serious acting chops is also the writer/director's daughter. This is just a film to see.
Here's a quick link to a thing I liked:
Concept art from Fantasia
If you didn't watch ADVENTURE TIME: STAKES, you missed out. It was awesome.
Also coming up soon is LONG LIVE THE ROYALS starting November 30th. Watch that too!
If Life news? I don't know. I finally saw Kaiju Big Battel not long ago. My mom's boyfriend had a scare and that made my mom a nervous wreck which turned me into worthless for a week and then I got sick so I'm worthless still.
I'm still waiting for them to take me home to whatever universe I came from.
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|Wednesday, November 18th, 2015|
12:10 pm - [LJ Idol Mini-Season] Topic 0: Intro: Rambling Man
When I was but a wee lad I wanted to be a puppet without strings. Someone who did silly things, offended people, made people laugh, squirm, whatever. No one got really upset at puppets because they were puppets. They weren't real, but they were real. They could get away with stuff and be hated and loved and at the same time constantly have an audience. They could be annoying, they could be charming, they could sing, they could dance, they could even sometimes romance. Always they would have an audience, because even those who hate puppets? They go out to watch puppets to tell the puppets "I hate you". All the puppet needs to do is be there and it wants to be there. It enjoys the attention and gets to do its thing.|
Guess what? I've pulled it off. While I've retained, maintained, and parlayed tons of jobs in my almost 38 years, I was first and always have been a performer. Not just an actor, not just a brilliant to horrible singer (based on your musical aesthetics and my mood at the time), not just a superb dancer, not just an improvisational genius, not just an a man with a billion voices (mostly annoying).
I bet I also come off as a braggart and arrogant, but you know what? So did Miss Piggy and Gonzo the Great and even Lambchop and Howdy Doody. I could show my less confident ways and reveal how vulnerable I am like Fozzy, Kermit, Skeeter, and um... some non Muppet who is overly emotional, has great troubles in love and relationships, fails as much as they succeeds and that other stuff. Which I'm sure the right subject I'll go blathering about my miserable life existence, battles with silly depression, desire to be loved and feeling hated and all that jazz.
Sometimes I won't write... sometimes I'll just draw or photograph though. While part of prior LJ Idols the world learned I was a graffiti and urbex documentarian. Since I've stopped doing LJ I got super involved in indie wrestling again, going to events when I can, taking photographs and then doing elaborate fan art which has only gotten better with each and every piece. I've never shared that stuff on LJ... maybe I will. Maybe! We shall see...(okay you twisted my arm, here's a piece of professional wrestler Snowflake AKA Kevin Condron of CHIKARA fame.
All you really need to know if you don't know me is the following information.
My name is Reid Harris Cooper and I'm here to entertain you... or not. The rest? You'll either learn or you can ask or whatever.
(If your question is "Wanna date?", the answer is Yes, if you live in New York City, are actually available and are a nerd or like pop-culture of all kinds...
Did you ask if I was weird?
Very... verily, indeed.)
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|Tuesday, November 17th, 2015|
3:08 pm - [The Real LJ Idol] I'm Being Dragged Without Kicking & Screaming!
Welp, there's a mini-season of therealljidol going on and I've been asked to participate.|
So I'm doing so. If you're still on Facebook and somehow wanna be part, go to the signup here.
I haven't really done anything on LJ in what feels years other than the occasional random post to keep the LJ active and alive for times like this.
Can I still write? Do I even know how to be social? Do I even know who I am anymore to be able to actually write towards a topic? We'll see... I predict I'm gone like the wind on a summer day.
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3:02 pm - CHIKARA Key Decisions results
I wrote this in a hotel room from memory at around 12:30 AM on Facebook via phone of being there live.|
Match 1: Eddie Kingston vs. Boar of Moldova
After Boar basically destroyed Eddie pillar to post, and back again he got by one perfect hit that wobbled him followed by a backfist to the future.
Winner: Eddie Kingston (3 points)
Crown and Court vs Snake Pit
Los Ice creams vs Ophidian/Argus
Princess Kimberlee had personal family issues to attend too so both Ice Creams worked
After A heated back and forth in which saw Ice creams show lots of skills the Dev Corp made their way to the ring. As Flex and Max distracted, Blaster came in from behind and punched Argus flat in the face causing a DQ on Ice Creams.
Winners: Snake Pit (Ophidian/Argus)
Match 3: Missile Assault Man vs Artic Rescue Ant
A quality bout which saw MAM scream Man over and over then breaking down when fans chanted Ant allowing Artic to get offense. Eventually Missile had Artic up for a chokebreaker but put him down. As Missile's back was turned, Artic hit a Dropkick and got a sudden pin.
Winner: Artic Rescue Ant
Match 4: Icarus vs. Snowflake with Snow Troll
Icarus mostly best a Snowflake that seemed to never show up. Being a blank slate mostly. Frustrated with it all Snowflake went and got a chair and was stopped by Bryce. Icarus then hit a hard hitting move followed by a submission which Snowflake tapped out to right away.
Winner: Icarus (3 points)
Intermission (I spoke with Pinkie and saw Eddie Kingston do a stare off and more stuff)
BDK vs United Nations
Pinkie Sanchez vs Juan Francisco de Coronado
Referee was Jon Barber.
Juan announced it was his birthday and tried to teach us the Ecuadorian birthday song. Pinkie interrupted carrying a cake and singing the traditional bd song. As pinkie hands the cake back to a staff Juan gets a roll up.
He hits a German and than a second but Barber is saying he counted three in the first roll up which most of us was confused by as was Pinkie but that was it.
Winner: JFDC (un)
Gentlemans Club vs Nightnare Warriors
Chuck Taylor/Orange Cassidy vs hallowicked/Frightmare
Best match of the night. Everyone got good stuff in.
End came with Wicked hitting a fisherman buster/ddt on Chuck.
Winners: nightmare warriors
Match 7: COTI
Wrecking Crew vs Arcane Horde
Devastation Corp (max, blaster, flex) and Jaka
Umb comes out with horde (Batiri and Oleg) then presents Kobald.
Match was all over the place with some cool spots but not as great as could be.
Kobald hit Demon's Toilet on Flex
Winners: Arcane Horde
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|Friday, November 6th, 2015|
9:23 pm - Looking at CHIKARA's Babyon Springs in advance (2015)
This show at the Wrestle Factory has chances for some major intrigue and tons of possibilities. It's also the biggest show at the new Factory since it opened with a full seven card match including a title bout.|
Other than the Camponatos de Parejas challenge, two other matches on the show are true main event contenders with historical signfigance and expansion to the future. While others might have that but seem more more exciting then monumental.
The final three COTI matches take place on this, although only one possibly has any effect on the tournament itself. That being The Wrecking Crew vs. United Nations. Wrecking Crew will definitely be all three members of Dev Corp who will the night prior be coming off a super important bout in which they maybe lost. United Nations team has not yet been confirmed. One assumes Juan, The Boar and Prakash, but it could easily be Mr. Az or just The Bloc Party. I haven't been good at keeping up with points but I'm sure somehow unless a miracle happens Dev Corp will do some serious destruction here so it won't matter.
Dasher's Dugouts are a shoein for the finals of the COTI tournament I believe, but that doesn't make this final agreed match between them and the BDK any less intriguing. Heidi has shown she can go with anyone. She's just a tough person, but what happens when she has to fight a Cyborg like Soldier Ant? Soldier Ant was proved pinnable at Colony Collapse, but he quickly recovered and then went rampage mode on Worker Ant. Can Heidi survive this?
The final COTI bout is possibly the biggest match in CHIKARA history in forever. This is a true explosion of The Colony as Fire Ant and Silver Ant will be going on on one. Fire Ant has been running with Worker and Amasis for the last few months of COTI and in that time Silver Ant has found himself in a battle for his soul. He is now split between the fighting spirit of The Colony but fighting for Nightmare Warriors in COTI fashion and going fully to the dark side of Nazmaldun which could find Fire Ant in a much more dire situation in a bout where win or lose his team can't win COTI. It's another matter of survival... and if survival must happen.
The three regular bouts are intriguing though. There is a 4 corner tag team battle (elimination style), with The Throwbacks, The Osirian Portal (finally back together after a whole season other than at King of Trios), Hallowicked & Frightmare AND a as of now unnamed team. Speculation is high on this. Kevin Condron & Lucas Calhoun? The Batiri? Hermit Crab & Cajun Crawdad? A yet unknown team of Factory graduates? A known team from outside Chikara? Without knowing that last team one can't even state a theory on this.... Wicked & Mare definitely have a high chance though from Nazmaldun probably wanting the CdP.
In singles action Jervis Cottonbelly will be facing Missile Assault Man who may be in a very different and interesting state after the night before. Jervis just doesn't want to get hurt. If Jervis wins though he'll also have three points, so he won't be just lying down here. There's possibly even more at stake with history, mystery and whatnot. Jervis continued messing with the dark realm could even come to a head.
JAKA and Oleg the Usurper will also be going one on one. Not only does Jaka block Oleg's chances at a third point, but Jaka will probably want more revenge on Oleg for Sidney's passing. Oleg is FREE... Jaka is unleashed. Someone WILL be hurt. There's no way they can't be. Viking vs. Savage... it can go anyway.
and then there's the main event. On the Midwest Tour, Shaun Cannon and Drake Carter, the Punk Rock All-Stars earned three points in 1 4 corner bout scoring all the falls and took their chance to challenge Race Jaxon & Hype Rockwell, N_R_G at the first opportunity. This will be N_R_G's first title defense, and it could be their last. While PRAS are not a CHIKARA home team... neither were The Young Bucks or even 3.0. This can go either way especially with only one more show to the season. Shall N_R_G cement their place as the new tag team or shall PRAS become the new darlings? I have no idea. I know I'm excited though!
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|Wednesday, November 4th, 2015|
9:52 pm - Looking at CHIKARA's Key Decisions in advance (2015)
I thought for fun I'd look at the cards for this weekend's CHIKARA events. First Key Decisions in Reading, PA and then the Babylon Springs show at the Wrestle Factory in Philly in a RHC way especially as I'll be there live and probably won't get a chance to do the regular recapping I do on Facebook from Twitter results for folks.|
There are three matches with storyline implications, and four that all have the ability to be physical show stoppers and very entertaining. I'll tackle the four less involved bouts first.
It's a Wrestle Factory teachers explosion as those purveyors of bourbon, juice, bagel bites and invisible grenades Chuck Taylor and Orange Cassidy team up to battle Nazmaldun's followers the current Grand Champion Hallowicked and his little ball of energy from his mind Frightmare in a COTI'15 bout. This has the chances to be just a sweet combo of comedy and pure athleticism. Amazingly this will also be from what I can tell the first time Chuck and Wicked will have been opponents since 2012.
Pinkie Carlos Sanchez gets to return to the ring with a clean bill of health after what were probably 5 of the longest weeks of his life as he faces for what I believe will the first time in a one on one encounter Juan Francisco de Coronado. This has the ability to truly be a barn burning show stealer especially with how excited El Presidente seems to be about this one.
Kingston and the Boar will either be going to war in a true HOSS battle or Boar will be eating 500 backfists to ensure Kingston's third point. Boar may eat 500 backfists either way, but will it be destruction or a hard fought battle? I don't know.
The El Hijo and Kimberlee vs. Ophidian & Argus bout should actually be really fun. Crown & Court need this win to ensure the finales. Ophidian on Twitter has said that since Snake Pit are OUT of COTI contention they want to go down swinging, so this has the chance to be pretty wild.
Then we get to the nitty gritty. Matches not just with things on the line and chances for fun, but true storytellers with major repercussions for CHIKARA going forward.
Missile Assault Man goes one on one with his former CXF partner Artic Rescue Ant. MAM has given little to no clue on Twitter to where his head is at... back to just saying his name. Artic has always been silent, but we know he's quite the talent and will either be looking for revenge for his fallen comrade or hope to convert his former one. Or maybe he'll be joining the Battleborn... or replacing a member. There's so much at stake here... not just a win... this is about life and death.
As is Icarus vs. Snowflake. When these two were last in a ring across from each other, Icarus desperately wanted his hands on Condron. His reasons for this seem to stem simply for Condron's implied disrespect to CHIKARA. While Kevin refused to even let Icarus touch him after recently giving into the power of Snowflake and committing cold blooded murder. Kevin has reasonable conceit to want to destroy Icarus though and now that the nonacceptance and negativity has allowed Snowflake to fully surface this match will be more than just Icarus trying to prove his dominance. This will be the unbridled fury of fabulous unleashed on a man who has shown that he is no longer worthy of carrying the Hammer of Peace. It'll be something to see indeed.
Then we have the main event that goes back to the beginning of Season 14 possibly while also connecting to all of Season 15. When the COTI draft was happening, the biggest odds of the draw came between Max Smashmaster and Ultramantis Black. It took Sidney Backabella's shrewdness to pass Oleg off onto UMB and accrue his full Devastation Corporation and Jaka. This would lead to Sidney's downfall as well though as being in the presence of the offensive but good hearted Batiri pushed Oleg Usurper more and more to the tipping point of Oleg finally gaining his freedom through the unfortunate murder of Sidney. Ever since The Dev Corp have gotten reckless, arrogant and at the same time even more dangerous and whos to say where Jaka's head is at! In terms of COTI, the Arcane Horde and Wrecking Crew had one more match to fufill the tournaments requirements. Max demanded an Atomicos, knowing full well that Ultramantis Black had to completely retire based on his prexisting injuries being further pushed by an by Dev Corp at Trios. After this injury, the Batiri even wondered why they shouldn't just walk away, but UMB gave them a promise and guarantee to stay. UMB turned to Quack and requested that he pull in a one time replacement for his team to allow Max's match to happen and Quackenbush allowed it no problem. To tie up this mystery replacement a Special Update was released which suggested that The Batiri's request and a replacement partner would all come together in the form of something grown from a Toilet. One would assume this will result in a resurrected Kobald, the first casualty/victim of Deucalion in season 14's premiere and sign that things in CHIKARA had changed. If this is indeed the fact this match is exciting in so many ways. If the Horde win, the Dev Corp and Jaka are in dire straits to win their matches the next night and one could say there truly is Venegeance for Kobald. We shall see. Oh, we shall see... as UMB is a devious one indeed.
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|Sunday, November 16th, 2014|
7:38 pm - CHIKARA - “For Your Eyes Only” - 11.16.14 RESULTS
12:45 pm - CHIKARA - “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” - 11/15/2015 RESULTS
I spend time on these for the Facebook group I'm in, I may as well share them with the "world".|
Here results for the CHIKARA event titled “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” from Haverhill, MA on 11/15/2015
SPOILER LJ-CUT for anyone who reads this on a timeline and is a CHIKARA fan and doesn't want results.
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|Thursday, May 8th, 2014|
12:07 pm - Then there was that time me and Koala Bear saved the world from Devil Santa
The use of drugs have helped made me understand the film “Dude, Where's My Car?” to an even higher place then I did before I had those experiences myself or have I/they/what/dude, where did this run off sentence question go?|
I have weird recollections of strange happenings while stoned, or tripping, or robo-tripping. I've done a lot of stuff (I mean types of drugs, LSD, mushrooms, AMT, DMT, Foxy, Molly) and I am comfortable admitting this. Some of the things that have happened while on them seem unbelievable just like that movie and like that movie never alone, always with a friend. We've walked 20 miles in 3 minutes and arrived back before we even left; Played poker with ghosts; Went into a restaurant not knowing what type of food they serve and ordered penguin. That's a thing isn't it?
I remember when we got kidnapped and throw in cages and had to talk to Andy Dick as he tried to have sex with us. No, I'm not talking about the movie... that happened. Seriously it did. You don't even know. Andy Dick is one crazy motherfucker man. He tried to make us eat troll dolls and then he did a dance with a sombrero on his schlong while singing “I'm a little driedel”... it wasn't even freaking Hannukah man.
I'm still trying to escape the trauma. The only way we were able to escape was by slicing the throat of all the Mexican cartel people Andy had hired for an orgy later that night and climbing over a 15 foot fence and using our jackets to swing down an electric wire. Then the guy still chased us with a monster super gigantic truck. If it wasn't for the robot dog and his motorcyle showing up we were absolute goners.
Later that night the dog brought us to some taco spot and we almost got killed again when this one dude thought we were hitting on his girl, but I just put on some high heeled shoes and did a dance on the bar and once again we were safe. Not for long though, because as we were driving down the highway a huge semi started tearing down on us. On the top were what looked like Werewolves, but more like llamas and some of them were coyotes and even a rhino. I guess they must've been Ani-Men or aliens or mutants. All I know is that the robot dog veered left, whistled and some turtles dressed like ninjas appeared and started fighting the men on the semi. The dog grabbed us and hid us inside a bunker filled with 5000 cans of spam and an Australian dude who told us he had 10,0001 recipes and he was going to have us try them all.
Surprisingly good stuff that SPAM was. We didn't have to try all the recipes though, because after two hours the bunker opened and the robot introduced us to the turtles who also were in a band. They said they needed to finish recording a rock album and wanted us as backup singers. The song was called “And the cradle will not ever stop rocking”. My ooohs and ahhs on it basically flood the track. You really need to hear it one day. Unfortunately it was for some independent label in the Andromeda Galaxy who usually just treats albums like the Holy Grail. Locked away forever unlabeled in a huge factory.
When we got home, we drank a ton of cocoa with mint juleps in it. We stared at the TV which was showing “Shaolin Monk Tiger vs. Masters of the Flying Guillotine Part 15: The Deadly Perils of Frogmen from Underground Who Like Large Breasted She-Males from Chernobyl”. I think it was actually just a porno but the fight scenes were spectacular and the special effects were amazing. We called for delivery from the Chinese place but we could never actually finish the order because the lady on the phone kept asking what else we wanted. We ended up hanging up and 20 minutes later 16 trucks showed up to our door with Lo Mein, Chop Suey, Wontons, Ribs, Mongolian Beef and more to the tune of $56,9982798. We beat the shit out of the delivery dude with some of the moves we learned from the movie and blew up the trucks.
Then we all went to sleep. This really happened.
There's more, but isn't there always more?
Written for therealljidol Week 8 - "Yes, and?"
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|Monday, April 28th, 2014|
6:06 pm - Who am I... really?
I have no national identity. While by birthright I am a Russian of the “Jewish” faith( and yes, I place all religious doctrine in quotes in this context). While I was barmitzvahed (sic), I hated every second of it. I was in for the money and my parents didn't pay for the ceremony and someone secretly paid for the catering afterwards, so nothing got instilled in me there. Of course I still love things like Gefilte fish, matzoh, charoset, salted egg, passover bagels, matzoh meal and all that other Passover stuff yet that is as far as it goes. I have begrudgingly been to a bat mitzvah in recent years and sat through a Passover dinner, sat shivah... all that stuff. |
So if I have no national identity how can I ever tell when I am going against it. The statement No true American holds no water. What is a true American? The definition that would be prescribed by society is something I would fail immeasurably. I don't believe in the second amendment, I am not patriotic, I believe all religions should abolished, I consider most things that are taboo in American culture and that proclaim religion as their reasoning to be hypocritical and proof that no one knows what they are talking about. I have a low moral center based purely on what people say morals are, I hate baseball, football and well most American past times. Yet, there are many who would say my rebellious attitude of not giving a shit is more American than Apple Pie.
I am not Russian, nor am I British, Australian, Spanish, Italian, Irish, Danish, Scottish, Canadian. I do not know what a true one would do or not do. I can guess though.
A true Brit would never actually eat bangers & mash.
A true Aussie would never say Foster's was beer
A true Spainard would not call rice and beans food.
A true Italian would say no real Italian food is in restaurants.
A true Dane would hate Disney's The Little Mermaid.
A true Canadian proudly loves Degrassi.
A true Scottsman would know that best Macbeth was in Disney's Gargoyles.
I just made two Disney references. I identify with one identity. Nerd, super nerd, pop-culture nerd. I love media. I love music, I love movies, I love food. I am even a food nerd.
That is who I am...
No true Nerd would ever say “I am not a nerd”.
Written for therealljidol Topic - Week 7 "No True Scotsman"
(edited for a mental block error, thankfully corrected by @halfshellvenis
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|Monday, April 14th, 2014|
7:42 pm - Because word play is more fun than just passing by(e)
You catch flies with honey. You catch most people with money. You don't catch mice, they just get caught int their own stupidity, but first they wreck your life. Then they die or get tossed away. People are like that too and unfortunately glue traps don't work on people. Or do they? Nothing really ever works. Someone else lets the mice in and someone else lets the fly in and someone else lets the person in and the cycle begins anew.|
Not that is has to. You can try your best to never catch the mouse, by never letting it exist. Wait, back up. I don't even know what I'm saying. Maybe a Rube Goldberg will help. Light the flame, burn the rope, watch the bolwing bowl hit the pin, pins hits the glass, glass spills water in the weight. Weight rises, hits the dominoes, dominoes hit the clam, claw grabs the cat's tail, cat scratches the wall, wall falls down, hits the cage... and um... wait, what was the cage supposed to do? Sing a song?
What song does it sing? How about a brand new one? How's it go? Maybe something like this?
I was walking along a blue blue day
when I saw the pixies playing on the stage
Francis Black was saying where is my mind?
and I do not know.
I walked away and came back another day
stuck on the glue was the entire zoo
Laced with the magic and the sounds of the new
We are the aboriginal and we drive like soldiers on the zone
Baby come back and we might never ever go home
Lost in babylon with nothing on the radio
driftlless with steel in our backs
We begin the walk back
And as the song goes on I think to the wolf who bit me. Will I become a werewolf? Can werewolves catch flies? can they catch money? Can they catch people? and the cage continues.
I was born in a shot down submarine
taught life by a drunk marine
everyday he would teach me the ways of being a scream
on the scene
written for therealljidol Week 5 - "BUILD A BETTER MOUSETRAP"
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|Monday, March 31st, 2014|
7:43 pm - Another Castle Awaits You in Each world
So here's my huge video game secret; I have never played a Super Mario game, ever. I know all about them. I've seen the movies, the cartoons, the comics even and I know all the stupid meme jokes that last till this day. I have truly never played a single level though. At least as I remember because I never ever owned a Nintendo or a Nintendo 64 or a Gamecube or a Gameboy or a DS. Now I do have a Wii but I don't have any Mario games for it at all. No, growing up... I was fascinated with traveling through an entirely different world.|
This world had as much action, adventure and danger as any other, and had weird creatures, princesses, and even probably mushrooms (or least the creator did some). It had a king, a queen, a prince and yes, it had a castle. A glorious castle with flags and lion statues in front. The first time I ever saw it I was transported away. Sierra would lead to Lucasarts and most of my game world would be based on that. That isn't to say I only played adventure games, but I have played many of them and many of my favorites involved a fantasy world that had a castle or a fortress or a citadel.
Lure of the Temptress, Torin's Passage, and a slew of other games formed what I loved about the video game genre. Yet my tastes did expand and with them more castles even. The 3rd person action adventure gave way to Prince of Persia and of course Assassin's Creed where one climbs castles and temples and churches. Fighting knights and kings as you soar through the air.
Even my most recent games featured castles of a sort. In South Park: The Stick of Truth, backyards are made up to look lie fort castles. So one can truly never escape them. Space stations are like castles, so are tree houses, and prisons and even mansions.
The greatest thing about video games though after all the visuals, characters, fun and action is the GAME OVER screen or credits roll cause then... you can just start again.
this was written for the therealljidol Season 9 - Week 3.
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|Monday, March 24th, 2014|
6:17 pm - The Path to Enlightenment is Through Scars and Pains
When you make the decision to explore abandoned structures that have fallen apart or are falling apart, you understand the risks within. Urban exploring or urbex as it also known by many is not just a hobby. It is a true sport. You aren't just traipsing through something, you are going to the deep unknown. A place others have explored, but with different skill sets, different clothing, different background. It's a true adventuring person's game and not one that should ever be considered lightly.|
When I was at the peak of my years doing it I was not at my smallest weight wise. I am almost quite clumsy at times and prone to accidents. Yet I am also daring, free willed and bullheaded. I never went alone though. I was always with best friend and spiritual brother, a guy who could grab my hand, notice things I missed and make sure if I died he'd get the news out (and vice versa).
We went on so many missions over a two to three year period that the order of them is quite a blur, but they all have things in common. Graffiti, rubble, weird smells, danger, possible ghosts and lots of missing stairs. Entire stairwells were gone, the only way up to another level in one certain place was placing an unsteady piece of long wood and slowly walking up it and then leaping at the last possible moment to reach through the doorway into the next room.
This was in not just a certain location though. Many places we've been were in this crumbled state where every step we took was certain death. Yet we always continued. Especially the places where there were no steps at all or finding that one hole in the fence and that one safe place to climb or even JUMP down.
You may be curious what of structures I could be discussing and it is a really a varied assortment. Hospitals, power stations, prisons and entire factories. New Jersey has a ton of them and New York gets more all the time. Philadelphia is full of interesting abandoned structures as well as I've explored those too and they also are missing stairs and even windows and entire floors.
As I said though, that never stopped me and I look at these missing stairs the way I look at life. There are obstacles. Sometimes you'll be climbing and it seems you're stopped because there's no where to step next. There is always somewhere to step next, there's always a way to get over the gap. Yes, mind the gap, but also, ignore it... jump over it.
That dangerous path that lies ahead is fraught with scrapes and bleeding... your body will repair itself. The experience you give up for being afraid? That will never heal. Face your fears, leap the missing space, own it and move forward. What you will see, will astound you and make you believe.
(written for therealljidol Week 2-Topic 2)
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|Sunday, March 16th, 2014|
6:49 pm - LJ Idol Season 9 - Topic 1: Jayus
Tony Clifton was a personality designed to infuriate, insult, disgust and make you question yourself and everything about you. He wasn't funny, he didn't make a single good joke, he couldn't sing, he couldn't dance. Yet... by jayus he was entertaining. He knew it too. This was the entire point of the act developed by the late, great Andy Kaufman (screw the conspiracy nuts, the man passed on, it's tragic, let him be). |
Andy Kaufman's brash irreverent style of humor was all about telling bad jokes with what seemed absolutely no skill in a way that was so horrible, you just had to laugh. He was the definition of this concept. He is not the ONLY stand-up comic to use this method to elicit response. It's probably one of the most difficult things in the world to be so horrible, no one even realizes you aren't and then laugh at how bad you are, and that is exactly what you wanted to begin with.
Other stand ups to use this method, although not as successfully as many people actually just think they suck, but others laugh uproariously while saying “This dude isn't funny, why am I laughing” include Sam Kinison, Howie Mandel, Ellen Degeneres, and especially prop comedian Carrot Top. Don't believe me? Take some time out of your schedule and re-watch any clip of their's with the thought “They are trying to be so bad, it's funny” and you'll see it and actually appreciate it and them even more. I know I have.
This style of comedy is what I have brought to almost every performance I've ever done. I take the stage, grab that mic and just do what I do... and I try to have it actually be bad. That isn't always successful. Sometimes it's just... weird, crazy and strange... but it's actually good, riveting and intense.
(for those who can either not watch or see, for various reasons, firstly, here's a link:
Secondly, a description, but try not to read it... watch the video, it's way better. ( under a cutCollapse )
If you watch that or read that and not say Jayus... which I do every time I re watch it, because... Jayus... well, I have no idea anymore. Actually no... that's wrong. You have no idea...but if you do have an idea? Well, here's a playlist with some more improv performances oh... and me in Pippin at 13... which just shows I have been singing and acting like this forever.
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|Monday, March 10th, 2014|
9:19 pm - LJ Idol Season 9- Episode 0: The Introduction
The innovator of innovation is back!|
The hype man is here to take the attack..
I've done things and I've been places.
I've almost started forget them all.
I've been in the ring and done underground.
Had my camera when I took a fall.
Scarred up knees and broken hearted.
Picked myself up from off the ground.
I throws words like dice
LSD is paradise
I've loved many a time
It never stuck
but I keep on trying
Actor, writer, renaissance man
it's what it says on my business card
I can cook and I can clean
I can do the mean machine
I can mashed potato
I can do the twist
I like Teen Wolf 2 if you didn't know
I also like Buckaroo Banzai
Also, I love the Marvelous Three
Butch Walker makes me weak in the knees
Lines can be dropped more and more
So much I can say of who I am
The way this is written says a ton
Not all will be like this
I love stories and prose
A return to lyrical "poetry" was how this went
it is what you get
I am Reid Harris Cooper
Welcome back to my mind
Please stay awhile
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|Sunday, March 9th, 2014|
3:44 am - I'm officially crazy
|Friday, October 11th, 2013|
9:39 pm - Days One and Two of New York Comic Con 2013 Recaps lifted from FACEBOOK
Zoe Bell, playing THIEF at exclusive SQUARE PARTY, walking the show floor just discovering, dinner at Juniors and catching tail end of Brian Posehn's set.
From 10-2 I made a concentrated effort to truly see as much of the floor show as possible.
I got tons of free books, bumped into friends, bought special cookies (peanut butter, bacon and maple), and then Artist's Alley where I got see more friends (Peter David, Elayne Riggs, Tim Paul, Laura Lee Gulledge, Jamal Yaseem Igle, Vito Delsante, Jill Thompson and more, so many more). I tried to say hello to Mick Foley but it was a mob scene.
I had interviews with the cast and crew of BIG ASS SPIDER! so I ran to that and directly after with Breckin Meyer and Matthew Seinrich of Robot Chicken and it was fun as always hanging with John J. Galbo at that and later for BOB's BURGERS.
In between those two press I ran back down to the show floor for a bit where I got more free stuff, bought the ADVENTURE TIME Encyclopedia and said hello to Dean Haspiel and Mike Cavallaro. After BOB's BURGERS we tried to get int the Titmouse panel, but were denied from too many people. I then decided I'd try to get into Vivek J. Tiwary The Fifth Beatle panel but that was too crowded too... so I went home and am now relaxing.
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